Being at peace with the painting.

I almost invariably have those moments when I want to shred what I create to pieces. Those moments are bad. And I just got out of one yesterday.

The moments of the first brushstrokes are moments of where It feel happy and excited, I sing a little tune in my head. I’m definitely in my element. I thank my DNA’s for the gift of creating and to express it. But after a few hours, sometimes days, almost always, the unavoidable happens. The painting forms an independence and a life on its own at some point. And no matter what, it won’t obey or agree with me. The paint won’t flow were I want it to flow. The shapes won’t turn right. The colors are off. My hand are unstable, lines are shivering.

Some people call it the U-Curve, meaning, going down the the “U” and hit the bottom of it – sometimes really hard. And emotionally, you follow. Crashed and burned. Before you know, you’re in a war with your beloved painting. The garbage is the next destination.

No matter what, these defying moments are so very frustrating. But thankfully I’ve never thrown anything away because I’ve almost always had a return moment where I go towards the top of the U, sometimes slowly. But one thing I must do is to step away. Taking a break is a mandatory for the survival of the artwork, sometimes for few days. A painting absorbs frustration just like the color. Maybe I’m just hungry or tired or too caffeinated. A good walk and a deep breath always helps. too. So eating and resting can restore the sanity. Sometimes I just have to start a completely new project. Then I can return to previous painting and we’re friends again.

And to remember that I wrote on my desk: Love the rubbish, love your sketches too. It’s just mine to choose whether it’s going to be beautiful or not.